A study of gratitude from an intuitive’s perspective
I’ve found that, depending on what I’m focusing on while saying “I am grateful,” different ‘information’ comes back to me. If I simply focus on my breathe and vitality while stating “I am grateful”, I get a sensation of increased energy and vitality. If I think of things or people I’m grateful for, I get a sensation of increased calm that feels like meditation. The third thought-gratitude combination has proven to be the most interesting and informative, thus far.
When I’m thinking about my upcoming day, or some activity in my near or distant future (like a trip, an upcoming job, activity, or goal), while thinking the phrase “I am grateful,” I feel/see the thought float out from my body like vapor. When I started this practice a couple of years ago, I noticed that sometimes the vapor would float far out from my body and peacefully blend in with the infinite energy around me. Other times, the vapor would hit an invisible wall and fizzle out. I didn’t understand what this meant, at first. After paying close attention to this process over the last few years, I now understand what the difference means.
In situations where my ‘thought vapor’ continues to expand and smoothly blend into the infinite, those upcoming situations play out safely, in the way expected, to completion. Conversely, when I feel the ‘thought vapor’ hit a wall, the upcoming plan ends up getting canceled for some reason, or does not happen the way I expected.
I am almost always able to predict whether or not something I expect to happen will actually happen. This comes up a lot in connection to plans I make with other people, or plans I make to attend an event. Every time my thought vapors stop or fizzle when thinking of an upcoming plan, the plan falls through. The other person gets sick, last-minute plans come up for one of us, or the event we’re attending gets canceled. I’ve learned now, that when my “I am grateful” thought does not expand, I should have a backup plan, or not get attached to the outcome.
A situation happened yesterday, when my kids and I went to the airport to fly from Arizona to Pennsylvania. Everything was going smoothly. Check-in was quick and easy. There was literally almost no one in the security checkpoint line, for the first time ever, and we breezed right through. My older son, smiling broadly said, “Wow, this is amazing. Everything is going so well. We’re having such a lucky day!” [Yes, he actually talks like this.] I agreed with him, but for some reason I had a feeling of anxiety in my belly when he said it. The feeling of gratitude in my gut would not expand. Instead, I felt fear, but chalked it up to me just being nervous about the trip.
Our first flight, to Phoenix, went without a hitch. We had a short layover, then boarded our flight to the east coast. This second flight was bumpy from the start and became increasingly so as we sped away from the city. I’m the kind of person who gets nervous when a flight has turbulence, so this wasn’t fun for me. About an hour into our bumpy flight, I was feeling very nervous. The turbulence had increased and the plane was all over the place. So I did the only thing I could; I resorted to my “I am grateful exercise” to ease my own mind. To my intense disappointment, the thought would not expand. It was hitting a hard wall. So…I resorted to praying “I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for our safety. I am grateful that we will arrive in Philadelphia intact and well.” NONE of these thoughts would expand. Instead, what reverberated back to me was:
“You will not arrive in Philadelphia. There is no safety around you.” My thinking sped up and my fear increased…
“Holy shit…ok. Ok. I’m not in control, I’m stuck 30,000 feet above the ground, and I have no idea what’s going to happen. I hope I’m misreading my intuition. I hope it’s just my own fear getting in the way…”. As I was wondering if we were going to die, the pilot came over the airplane’s loudspeaker and said “Thank you for flying with us (…pregnant pause…) we are having some difficulty with our AC system, and will need to be ‘in the hold’ for about an hour and a half, then we will return to Phoenix and let the mechanics inspect the plane.”
“What the hell does ‘in the hold’ mean?! We’re returning to Phoenix because of the AC!?? It feels fine in here…is it just a coincidence that we’re having so much turbulence, or are they not telling us everything”? The pilot’s announcement, coupled with my sense that things were not going to turn out as planned, had me completely freaking out. I took slow deep breathes, read a magazine, and tried to appear calm for my kids.
Intuitive hits don’t always read like a cautionary children’s fable; “you will not reach your destination… But don’t worry, everything is fine and this story ends with a marriage and a sunset.”
No, intuitive hits, or at least mine, stop at “you will not reach your destination.” Sometimes I’m not sure about this intuition thing…
After almost 2 hours of being ‘in the hold’ -otherwise known as flying in circles waiting to land, as I found out later- the pilot told us there were storms barring our way out of Phoenix, and the plane’s anti- freezing mechanism thingy was not working. Translated into everyday human language: if we tried to fly away from Phoenix, in any direction, we would enter exceptionally cold storm clouds which would freeze the plane and cause it to crash. Not a far cry from “there is no safety around you”. Long story short, we needed to land. Back in Phoenix.
After a very stressful few hours at the airport, we secured free dinner and a free room. We finally arrived at our hotel, in Phoenix, a little after 8pm. We were beyond exhausted, but we were safe. *deep breathe* It had been almost 11 hours since I had that nervous feeling in my gut, in the airport security checkpoint back home. As much as I didn’t want to believe that my intuition was right, it most certainly was. I’m grateful it was a message that the day would not turn out the way we had anticipated, rather than a portent of certain death.
The trouble is, in a situation that could potentially be life or death, my tendency as a human, is to assume the worst.
I did have a bit of a freak out moment, when I got the intuitive hit that there was no safety around us. While fear of death wasn’t the wrong reaction to my intuition, it also was not an indicator that we were going to face imminent death. I should have allowed it to simply be a fear of the unknown, rather than a fear of premature death. The scary thing about intuition is that it doesn’t always tell me what is going to happen. It just shows me that some of the things I think are going to happen, will not happen the way I assume.
It’s the day after our failed flight, and we’re on our way to Philadelphia, for the second time. I’m feeling much, much calmer today. There is literally no anxious feeling in my belly. As I look around me and send my gratitude cloud out, there is an almost intangible feeling of flow…A sense that the energetic representation of the plane, and all of the energies of the people and things on the plane are flowing forward, just slightly ahead of us.
I sense an invisible ‘okay-ness’ or alignment of all the things and people in my vicinity. What am I, in reality, picking up on? At this point I’m not sure. What I’m perceiving may exist between the particles of everything that surrounds me. It may be that my brain responds to information that is always there, we just haven’t proven it with science yet. I believe that we all have access to it. I know it exists, because I keep seeing correlations between my sensations, and what happens. I’ve watched it for long enough now, that I’ve gotten very good at using my gratitude, both to manifest what I desire, and to test the road on which I walk. I’m still honing my reactions to it…maybe I always will be.
It’s very difficult to put all of this into words. What I do know is that, my ability to use gratitude to sense my future has helped me develop the ability to be more ok with life’s twists and turns. My expectations are much less rigid now. I know that I can be ok with whatever comes, even while I attempt to guide it. I am ok, despite whether my expectations come to fruition, or not. At least I have developed my ability to sense what’s coming or what’s not. It’s a start. It’s something I can work with.